Babysitting
by Archangel Ben
Summary: Ben's in trouble for ruining Eris's second Honeymoon and now has to babysit Rad, Koji, and Alexis. Warning: Crazy mishaps.
1. Chapter 1

Babysitting

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers. Or the Mongols.

Babysitting

Ben was not having a good day. Apparently, Eris and her husband were in their second honeymoon in Venice, where Ben just happened to be trying to detonate a certain bomb. Eris beat him up and, as punishment, put him in charge of babysitting her kids and grandkids, along with their friends.

Ben grumbled as he strode into the base.

At least the other Autobots would be there to help him.

Odd. No one was home. Then he saw the note.

Ben:

We have gone on Vacation. You have to watch the little Demons yourself.

love

-The Autobots

Ben ran to the phone and dialed it madly.

"This is the Decepticon Moonbase..." He heard.

"Yes! There's uhhh...a new Minicon here! Yeah! That's it! A new Minicon!" Ben yelled into the phone.

"We're sorry. We cannot dominate you today. The Decepticons are on vacation with the Autobots. Have an Evil day!" said the overly cheery recording.

Ben then said a few words that due to their content, will not be allowed to be repeated.

Indeed, he was screwed.

---

Then came the group: Koji, with the twins, Rad and his friends, save Carlos, who died of a nosebleed previously.

"I no wanna babysit!" The half- bat muttered.

Koji folded his arms. " I'm 30, for goodness sake! Why are you babysitting me!"

Ben shrugged.

"'Cause your mommy told me to."

Koji's face flushed. He then yelled some words that will not be repeated.

The twins, upon hearing naughty words, ran into the room and started asking hundreds of questions.

"Why are you batty? Does anyone love you? Are you crazy? Why are you so lame? Why were you even born? Are you evil? What's up with you and fire? Why did Grandma trust us to a dip(censored) like you?"

Ben simply raised his hands above his head and ran.

He tripped over Rad and Alexis, who were deep in the process of making out.

"There will be none of that while I'm here!" Ben yelled in his helium voice.

Rad gave him the finger, but otherwise ignored him. As did Alexis.

A time hole opened up behind them. Ben had a crazy grin and pushed them in. He laughed crazily, then let loose a sigh of contention.

Koji ran up behind Ben. " Mom's gonna be pissed when you tell her you lost her kids in time."

Ben eyes bulged in fear. "Oh SHIT!" He grabbed Koji and the twins, and thrust them all in the portal, and jumped in after them.

----

Flash!

Ben appeared on a flat plain. He put his hand on his head and rubbed, because that was where he landed.

"Owch...that hurt!" He whined to himself.

He then saw hundereds of ancient people riding on horseback with flamethrowers.

"This seems...altogether too familiar..." He trailed.

He then saw the leader of the group.

Genghis Khan, himself.

And next to him was the past version of himself, wearing Mongolian garb.

"Well, thanks Genghis, Ol' buddy! I'll be seein' ya soon!" Ben heard his past self say.

Genghis rode up to the hill the Present Ben was hiding behind.

"Ben, is that you? Back already!" Genghis asked.

"How did you knkow it was me?" Ben asked innocently.

Genghis laughed. "I saw smoke. And when there's smoke, there's fire. And when there's fire, there's you! Ha!"

Ben smiled, then remembered what he had done before arriving in this time.

"Oh Crap! Have you seen other people here?" Ben asked.

Genghis shrugged. "We're nomads. What do you think?"

Ben looked possibly the most fearsome, ruthless man on Earth ever, and stared him down.

"GENGHIS..." He growled, the Enraged angel nearly out.

Genghis shrunk down a bit. "Ok, Okay, don't go all Pompeii on me! There's a few in my Yurt, waiting for you!"

Ben bowed, all menace out of his voice. " Thank you, old buddy."

Genghis bowed. "t's my honor, blood brother."

Ben strode into the yurt. The twins, Koji, and the survival gear were all there.Where were Rad and Alexis?

Ben turned to Genghis. "There was a young man and a woman here, err, showing affection, if you get my meanin'..."

Genghis shrugged and grinned. " I know. We killed them and devoured their giblets for breakfast."

Images of Eris removing Ben's innards and giblets flashed in Ben's mind. He fainted on the floor.

"Just kidding. Ooh. That's not good." Genghis noted, seeing the fainted Archangel on the floor in the fetal position.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two hours later, Genghis woke Ben up.

"Good news! My scouts found your friends!"

Ben bolted up. " WHERE!"

Genghis frowned. " That is the bad news. The Chinese have captured them."

A sickening thought came into Ben's head.

"Hey Genghis, on my calender that I gave you, what is today?"

Genghis counted on his fingers. "November 21. Why?"

Ben's eyes widened in fear. "OH SHIT! This is Eris's first honeymoon!"

Genghis shrugged. "So?"

Ben grabbed Genghis. "She and her husband went to China for their first honeymoon. If she findsn out...Ah SHITSHITSHITSHIT.."

"So why was the past you here?" Genghis asked the exasperated half-bat.

A sweat drop appeared on Ben's forehead.

"So that I could stop you from conquering China for their honeymoon. Remember!"

"Oh Yeah.Sorry!"


	2. Chapter 2

Babysitting-chap.2

In a Chinese dungeon...

Rad and Alexis were bound with chains.

"You know, I'm part Demon. I can just get out." Rad trailed.

The guard snickered. "No, you can't."

"Why?" Alexis asked.

The guard had an evil grin. "We made these shackles on our young Demon friend here to hold a certain Archangel..."

Rad's eyes bulged. "No..."

Alexis was confused. "What's going on? We don't know any Archangels!"

Rad hung his head, and crossed his foot in the dirt innocently. "err...I meant to tell you. Uncle Ben is actually a fallen Archangel. And so is Grandma."

Alexis's eyes bulged. "You mean he's not just a crazy mutie?"

The guard grabbed Rad. "What? Your uncle is who?"

Rad made a sort of estimate with his arms. "He's about this tall, and has a helium-ish voice. He's got bat ears."

The guard made some babbling noises and ran off.

"What the Hell was that?" Alexis asked.

"I dunno." Rad muttered.

"Alright, we're trapped in a Chinese dungeon. Things can't get a lot worse. What other secrets have you kept from me?" Alexis pressed.

"Well, let's see. My Mom is a hologram, my dad is partially demon and Archangel, my Grandpa is officially Optimus, Uncle Ben is an Archangel...And some other stuff."

--

meanwhile---

There were two guards outside the dungeon.

Ben's party was hidden in the trees.

"Ok, now how are we gonna get past them without alerting the rest?" Koji asked the group.

Ben pulled out a rocket launcher.

"NO!" Koji said, smacking Ben's hand.

"tububububububu..." Ben muttered.

He pulled out a grenade.

"NO!" Koji said again, slapping his hand yet again.

"Fine, I'll assassinate them quietly." Ben grumbled.

"No. You're an idiot." Koji said, but before he finished, Ben had disappeared.

-

Guard 1 looked at guard 2, over about 20 yards away. Then, he felt a coldness.

He looked behind him at the grinning shadow, holding its weapon menacingly.

He tried to scream, but was dead before his mouth opened.

Guard 2 heard a thud and looked at Guard 1's lifeless body.

"What the..." He then caught sight of his assailant.

It was a cute little guy with bat wings.

"Awww..." Guard 2 said before the little guy was all over him.

"Hey! What are you doi..." He fell, dead.

And then there was no trace of the killings, save the bodies, and one thing...

A bloody pine needle.

---

Koji and the rest of the group, even Genghis stared at Ben in shock.

"You assassinated them with a pine needle!" Koji burst.

"Yeah." Ben said coolly.

"But...how?" Koji asked.

Ben shrugged. "Tricks of the trade, my boy, tricks of the trade."

Genghis then signaled, and they ran into the dungeon.

---

"And your goldfish Sammy died, but only because Ben filled his bowl with cola instead of water and..." Rad kept on revealing all of the secrets he had kept from Alexis.

Alexis stared at him. "I think I liked it better before I knew."

The guard ran by, screaming. His head was on fire.

And then Rad heard that same obnoxious helium voice.

"Rad! Alexis! I'm here to save you!" The Archangel yelled.

And then Rad saw the man he thought was history's most fearsome.

Genghis Khan.

He (Genghis) broke down the cell door, and ripped off the chains.

"Ow." Rad complained.

Alexis was scared stiff.

"Old buddy of mine." The half-bat explained.

"oh." Rad said timidly.

"HAHA! YOU FELL INTO MY TRAP!" A deep masculine voice yelled.

And through the wall burst a man in yellow and orange spandex.

"It is I, Dick Davie: hunter of the Supernatural! I've got you now, rogue time errr...thing!" The spandex-wearing man yelled.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! He found me!" The half-bat Archangel cried out, eyes bulging.

"What the..." Koji started, as he watched Ben go tearing off in the opposite direction of the weird spandex guy.

The guy in spandex ran after him. "Come back here, fiend!"

"LEMME ALONE, YOU FREAK!" The half-bat yelled.

And then the crazy spandex guy burst into song.

"Dick Davie...(dadadada-(musical accompaniment) ) always captures his prey!"(Corny superhero tune)

Ben turned back, after being cornered at a tree.

"Augh! Again with the singing! I hate you!" Ben yelled., as he tried to fly past him.

He crashed to the ground.

"Dick Davie! Always has a force field to stop the supernatural!" The guy in spandex narrated/sung.

Ben got up and ran around the field, back toward the group.

"Stop! Dick Davie Has to capture you!" Davie yelled./sung.

Alexis slapped her forehead.

"Uncle Davie must have finished that time jump thingy. That's why he's gotta be back here."

"YOU KNOW THIS GUY!" Ben yelled as he ran past Alexis.

"Yeah. He's kinda got a hobby of collecting the Supernatural." Alexis said, embarrassed.

"I KNOW! HE'S CHASED ME FOR CENTURIES! HE'S OUT TO GET ME!" Ben yelled as he ran up the wall.

"How did you escape him before?" Rad asked.

"Eris beat the crap out of him while I ran." Ben said.

"Why don't you get her to do that now?" Rad asked, sensibly.

The twins giggled. "'Cause Grama will beat the SHIT out of him for pulling us back here."

Dick Davie ran by, wielding a souped-up Vacuum.

"Dick Davie! Has the Vacuum- Of Super- Justice! Prepare to be sucked into its suction of might!" Davie sung/ yelled.

"Aagh!" Ben yelled.

"Come back! My Nemesis! You must be captured! For Examination! So we can dissect you and find out what makes you tick!" Davie sung.

Ben stood upside down on the roof.

"Get me now, you hunting FREAK!" Ben yelled down.

Davie raised his Vacuum.

"Dick Davie! Doesn't have to do so to catch a freak such as yourself!" Davie sung.

He then flipped on the switch, and Ben was sucked inside.

"AUGH! LET ME OUT!" Ben yelled from inside.

"Dick Davie! Has finally captured his prey!" Davie sung/ yelled.

Genghis Khan walked up to Davie, and cracked his knuckles.

"I suggest you let him go, Mr. Davie, or things might get rough." Genghis said menacingly.

"Dick Davie! Doesn't have anything to fear as long as he has his force field!" Davie sung/ retorted.

"Besides! Dick Davie! Has lain the perfect trap! He led the freak here and caused all of this mayhem, even putting him in Venice in the first place!" He continued singing.

"THAT WAS YOU!" Ben yelled from the vacuum. "YOU CAUSED THIS! I HAD TO BABYSIT THESE DEMONS AND THIS IS YOUR PLAN! AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!"

He shattered the vacuum, and was growing fast.

"What's he doing?" Davie asked Genghis, now too scared to sing.

"He's gonna kick your ass." Genghis said with a laugh.

"Dick Davie has nothing to fear as long as he has a force field!"

Ben, now the Enraged Archangel, shattered the shield.

"Oh….Shit." Davie cried.

Ben grins wickedly. He cracks his knuckles.

One Ass-whipping later…

Davie lay, bleeding in pain.

The now-back to normal Ben was cracking his neck. He opened up the time hole.

It absorbed them all.

Later…(like ten seconds later)

All of the people from ten seconds ago appeared in the Autobot base, approximately a day after they had began.

Optimus was reading a comic book, and was rather irked that Ben and his companions (complete with horses) decided to appear right in front of him.

"I thought you were on vacation." Ben said accusingly.

"Autobot vacations are notoriously short." Optimus said.


	3. Chapter 3

Babysitting- Chapter 03

Dick Davie got up, dazed by the ass-kicking he had gotten a minute ago, or was it 810 years ago?

He looked around. He didn't see the half-bat.

_Damn! He's escaped my grasp again! _ Davie pondered.

He then saw the twins. He smiled wickedly.

_I'll do what any regular superhero would do! I'll kidnap the creatures he is babysitting and he'll have to chase me, and that's where I'll get him! _

He swooped up the twins and did a time jump.

FLUSH!

Ben walked back into the room and saw the group minus the twins.

Koji was awake and laughing.

"Dick Davie just sent the twins into the past."

Ben shrugged. "So?"

Koji slapped his forehead. "Mom'll be pissed if she finds out that you lost the twins in time. Again."

Ben shrugged. "It's not so bad."

Koji leaned rather close to Ben. "She told me that if you messed up, she'd do something cruel and painful."

Ben's eyes bulged. "You mean…"

"Yes!"

Ben ran in circles, scared for his life.

He then saw a portable time-jumper with a note.

-

Archangel-

Got your twin-thigies and in Ancient Rome!

Come and get me, you little loser!

-much love,

Dick Davie!

-

Ben set the time jump to two years in the future.

Koji smacked the Archangel in the back of the head.

"HE SAID PAST! NOT FUTURE!"

Ben grumbled. "Look, we're gonna need some backup. _I'm_ back there. "

Genghis cracked his knuckles. "I can handle it."

Ben snorted. "No offense, blood bro', but I can't handle the old me without some…trouble. No, we're gonna need the whole gang."

Genghis lifted a brow.

"The whole gang?"

Ben took out a wrench and moved some configurations.

"Done!" He squeaked.

"What did you do?" Rad asked, curious.

Ben laughed maniacally, in his helium voice. "I have just made it a Time AND space jumper! HA HA! Beat THAT Davie!"

Ben pressed the button to jump.

"What are you doing, Ben!" Optimus yelled.

And suddenly, the world turned silver and a blur.

-

Optimus woke up.

_Damn. The jumper. _Optimus thought.

It was most definitely Earth. It was the same, except the fact that when they had left, they had been in the Autobot base.

Now they were behind a skyscraper.

Optimus peered behind a rock. He saw other giant Robots walking around, not even in any disguise.

"What the…?" Optimus pondered.

"Watch out!" He heard Ben yell. Then the Archangel ran by, being chased by a woman, who also had bat wings.

"BEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" She shrieked.

Ben ran as fast as he could. Optimus followed after, seeing as how no one else seemed to be in the vicinity. He looked out at the 'city'.

It was massive. This city was more civilized than even Cybertron's capital. Optimus looked down, where Ben and the mysterious woman were hiding behind a dumpster.

"Ben?" He asked.

The two were cringing. A man in a purple robe peeked into the alley, and then looked Optimus in the eye. "What are you doing off duty, Cybertronian?" He hissed.

Optimus looked at him askew. "What are you talking about? I'm on duty."

Then, a stream of water at a massive pressure went through the man, who cried out in pain.

Optimus swirled, and there Ben was, toting a water rifle.

"You're kidding me…" Optimus said…

-

Genghis woke up next to the rest of the humanoids, and he realized that it was not his horse, but rather he that drooled in his sleep.

Alexis woke up. "Genghis? Uh-oh. That means that this wasn't a dream."

Genghis looked up. The sky was an absolute black, with a pale red moon as the only light.

"What the?" Genghis grumbled. A man in a pink robe was standing before them.

"What are you doing in Sector T? Humans are specifically to be placed in Sector P! Don't make me take you in!" The man scolded.

Rad shot a black beam through him, and he dropped.

"That was easy." Rad commented.

Alexis began to make odd sounds. "BUG!" She yelled.

Rad looked behind him and found himself face-to-face with a fifty foot moth.

"oh shit." He said.

-

Ben heard Alexis's scream. "RUN!" He yelled to Optimus and the woman.

The woman nodded. "Sure, but THEN you pay your RENT."

Ben shrugged as he ran. "But I haven't lived here for a year, so I don't owe!"

The woman threw a wrench at him. It hit him square in the back of the head.

"DAMN!" The Archangel yelled.

Then, a dark figure lept upon Ben.

"ARGH!" He yelled.

The woman grabbed the shady figure. "NOT NOW, ADRI!"

The figure revealed itself to be the kitsune Adri, Ben's friend.

"Gee, sorry Ben. Holy water?"

Ben smacked him with the water gun. "Come with me. I need you for a… mission."

Adri looked at him. "What kind of mission?"

Ben glared. "I kinda lost two humans in time. I need your help. Do you know where Kane is?"

Adri nodded. "Where do you think?"

-

10 minutes later- at the strip club.

"KANE!" Ben yelled.

Kane, the half-lion, strode down. "Ben? Is that you?"

Ben nodded.

"YOU'RE LUNCH!" He lept upon the bat, and tried to bite him.

Adri threw Holy water on the lion-blood.

"No." He said.

That got him a punch in the face from Kane.

Ben grabbed Kane. "I need you for a mission."

Kane glared at Ben. "SO?"

"I need you to fight. There's a chance you may get that Zanzabato you keep bugging me about."

Kane rubbed the back of his head. "Fine. Where's Dave?"

Ben sighed. "I bet I know."

Optimus rubbed his head. "Who are these freaks?" He asked the woman.

She shrugged. "They're these vigilantes that are out to stop the 'vampire conspiracy' or something like that. They rent at my apartments."

"oh."

-

10 minutes later- D.C. Prison .

A guard in police uniform knocked on the bars of an inmate.

"David, you've got bail."

The inmate, a massive man with bearish traits, got up.

"Who posted it?" He asked, pushing up his glasses.

Ben walked in.

"oh, no. OH, NO! NOT YOU! YOU GOT ME IN HERE, YOU IDIOT!"

Ben shrugged. "I only wanted to give you a chance to go back in time, but if not…"

Dave grabbed the half-bat by the throat.

The guard frowned.

"What? He got me busted for an assassination attempt on a government official!"

Dave stopped. "Time! You can fix this mess before it ever started!"

Ben nodded, turning slightly blue.

"Well, let's get to it!"

--


	4. Chapter 4

chapter 4

Ben ran out, and to his glee, saw a giant moth.

To his disdain, it was terrorizing the kids.

"tububububububububububu…I hate it when they get into trouble." He whined.

"Be a man about it!" The woman yelled at him.

Ben nodded, and ran toward the moth, which was about 3 miles away.

-

"Aiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Alexis screamed, as she saw the oversized pest.

"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Genghis yelled.

"You two are babies!" Rad yelled, floating up to do combat with the moth.

SWAPT!

Rad found himself caught in one of the moth's claws.

"HEY! LET ME GO!" he yelled.

The moth rebutted by swallowing the boy whole.

"AAAAIIIIIIEEEEEE!" Genghis and Alexis screamed.

Alexis turned and glared at Genghis. "Hey! You're the biggest badass of all time! Why are YOU cowering in fear of a bug?"

Genghis put his fingers together innocently. "Well, I have this fear of bugs…"

Alexis slapped her forehead.

"We're doomed."

A laser blast came out of the moth's stomach.

"GUUHHH!" The moth whined, as Rad tried to pierce his way back out.

The spear actually did pierce out.

"YAY! Rad's going to be OK!" Alexis yelled.

Then the moth used a claw to push the spear back in.

This process happened countless more times.

--

Ben and the rest of the party had just showed up.

"Team! We have program Delta-Alpha-Zeta on our hands!" Ben yelled.

Adri scratched his head. "We're out of tp?"

Ben slapped his forehead. "No, but that is true. Any other guesses?"

David raised his hand.

"What?"

"Ummm…Timmy's in the well?"

Ben slapped his forehead again.

Optimus raised his hand.

"What, Optimus? No offense, but you're not really a member of this team, now are you?"

Optimus shook his head. "I was going to say that it coded for a battle plan involving a four-pronged assault. "

Ben shook his head. "So close! Actually, it codes for 'Giant Moth attacking kids from the past!"

"OHHHH!" Everybody mused, obviously not understanding.

Ben jumped on the moth's head. "BOOGAH!" He yelled.

The moth squealed, and tripped over itself, onto a hospital.

"At least no one got hurt!" Dave said, in a way that was WAY TOO CHEERY.

"What's he doing!" Optimus yelled, when he saw the bat dive into the moth's mouth.

Kane shrugged. "He's killing it from the inside. Nothing special."

Adri jumped in. "Oh, and he's also eating it as he goes!"

"EWWWW!" All the people not native to the dimension groaned.

In a matter of minutes, there was no more moth, a very purple and sticky Rad, and a very content Ben, rubbing his stomach, which didn't even grow after the massive meal.

"BBBBBRRRRAAAAAAAPPPPPP!" Ben burped.

"EEWWW!" Everybody, save Ben, yelled.

"Excuse me." Ben said quietly.

He picked up the time jumper.

"TO ANCIENT ROME!" Ben yelled, flipping the switch.

The world became a silver blur again.

--

Koji looked around. He was in a building.

As he rounded a corner, he saw the group time-jumping.

"WAIT FOR….ahh screw it."

Ancient Rome…Right after Pompeii.

Ben landed first this time.

"Head count."

He counted everyone.

"We're one short. Where's Koji!" Ben asked.

Rad snickered. "You forgot him."

Ben's eyes widened. He knew what the vamps did with outsiders.

"I'll be right back!" He jumped alone this time.  
--

Back in the future.

Koji was walking away when Ben poofed in.

"Where were you…AUGH!" Ben grabbed him before he could finish and poofed away.

A guard robot walked to where he saw the incident.

"I need to drink less Energon before my shift." He grumbled.

--

Ancient Rome- Ten seconds after Ben left it.

Dick Davie was there, with all the others in cages.

"You've gotta give him credit for one thing- for an idiotic psycho, he's pretty crafty."

Koji said.

"Shut up!" Davie burst, with a loaded vacuum pointed menacingly at the Archangel.

"I propose a trade. You get everybody else back to their appropriate time, and I'll get you. Fair?"

Ben looked over. "All right, you win."

Davie's eyes widened with glee. "Really?"

Ben grinned an evil smile. "NO! LOOK UP, STUPID HAHAHA!"

Davie looked up. A very pissed Archangel Ben (Circa 82 A.D.) was standing above him with a warhammer.

"Ahh…man! Not again!" Davie moaned.

"NOT THE FACE!" He cried as both versions of Archangel Ben came down on him.


End file.
